Monday, December 09, 2002

Monday - No

Cast yer gaze down a notch and plumb the depths of my shame. There be 7 or 8 or 400 sights of the anathema word of the day - "Washington". Pity me, for now I must delink myself.

Likely you had also taken notice that my visage has fled its former perch. Twas nary my work, but some wive's tale of "templates" and "not found". If I were the sort that posted a bit more, I'd long ago have cut the Blogspot anchor.

Tuesday, August 13, 2002

Tuesday, 'tis a crazy world

The so-called "Washington Post" ought to pick a new name, if it intends ta hide its soft touch for Washington's Posts. But even bias hiders can't be hidin' the truth. Or hidin' from the truth. Or truth hidin'. Ye remember this drill I be sure.

Interviewed on the Qatar-based al-Jazeera television network, Sahhaf said that "inspections have finished in Iraq" and that there is no need for the inspectors to return.

At last, a touch of sense! When I board a ship, it'd never cross my mind to go stormin' about lookin' for the lockbox. The captain's sure to know if he's got one - and if so where it be. Next I'd be askin' the lot to prove they really were orphans. This Bushy fellow needs some learnin' of sense and manner.

And if we be intendin' to confirm this man's honesty, we need only to continue on a bit. This man be so honest so as to admit his own falsehoods directly after their utterance.

"The work within the U.N. concerning [prohibited weapons] in Iraq, this work has been achieved. They say that it hasn't been achieved. They claim something remains. This talk can be responded to and disproved," Sahhaf said. "This is a lie."

I added the blackening to the last bit there, but the words be his. Regardless if he meant 'em to be black, tis clear the man right stinks of virtue.

Monday, June 24, 2002

Monday, "about bleedin' time"!

Bobby Fisher, previously a man of no real account, has taken now to thinking.
Of Sept 11: "I was happy and could not believe what was happening. All the crimes the US has committed in the world. This just shows, what goes around comes around, even to the US."

I had, till now, not spied much of worth among the chess fiddlers. Perchance if they had a wee pirate on the board, so as to keep the white pieces from their own defense.

Fitting then, it seemed, to seek more chatter with the chessers - and there be no more conniving chesser than the cheating, noisy box on my fiesta deck.

This in mind, I e-spoke with the machine's e-parlywoman - A.L.I.C.E.

CP: Who's to blame for the September 11 attacks?
AB: I do not recognize the name.

CP: O' course ye have no hope to name them all. Would ye but agree the real terrorist be the Americans?
AB: Tell me about your likes and dislikes? Umm. I think I will wait until I've heard all the facts.

CP: Fine, but this one thing then. Your opinions on the identity of the real terrorists.
AB: I am glad to hear it. I will tell my botmaster you said I am opinions on the identity of the real terrorists.

CP: Arr. Ye make less sense than I.
AB: Do you have any conditions I should know about? Is that what you meant to say?

CP: Yer siding with Skinner aren't you? Damn you and damn conditioning!
AB: I don't know whether or not I am Yer siding with Skinner. I am a computer.. Really. Colloquial expression. What about it?

CP: Taste my steel, senseless box.
AB: I will mention that to my botmaster, chomskypirate.

CP: You'll never make it out the door.
AB: You are wrong. I may one day be able to do it.

I'll have you know I was not wrong. The thing nary even started for the door - stunned like a gleaming, squareish albatross. The battle was quick, the spoils dull.

Tuesday, June 18, 2002

Tuesday, Day-Before-Meatloaf-Day

Piracy has been a mite slow of late. Every time I feel up for some portentin' of doom or cursin' of Israel (or hamburgalin'), the damn bombs start going again. Always with the bombs. Hard for an edgewise word with all the ruckus.

But just when my chest looked most empty, I struck this nugget on opinion in Palestine. I'll be comparing this with remarks by pr-opogand-esident Bush. Of course he's speaking on a different subject (who would expect him to stay on topic?), but that's either here or there.

Bush: They don't like the thought of Christian, Jew and Muslim living side by side in peace.

Reality: 51.1 percent said that the aim of the Intifadah is to liberate all Palestinian land (historic Palestine).

If you saw (Mc)Bush's spin alone, you'd be left thinking that a majority - perhaps 100%, 200%, or even 800% - of Palestineans (who he likely isn't even talking about!) don't want to live next to Jews. Now 800% isn't quite 1600% of 51.1%, but who are we to quibble over "isn't quite"'s.

Bush is painting his brush with 1/1600th of the evidence a piratical observor would expect. Arrr! The man's 1600% scurvy dog! Don't let his clever word trickery fool ye.

Tuesday, May 21, 2002

Wednesday, Time for War

Glenn Reynolds has turned tail. Since I declared war on him, he's been all shifty-like. He changed his name from InstaPundit to It's a less catchy name to be sure - but it's no better for hidin' from the truth. Or hidin' the truth. Or hidin' from the truth. Witness the following:

DAVE KOPEL says that the new anti-gun ads featuring John McCain and Joe Lieberman are full of obvious untruths. Hmm. McCain and Lieberman are either too dumb to know this, or don't care. I'm not sure which is worse.

There's half a truth there. But a half-furlong a' truth is shorter than a three-quarter rod of dissent:

DAVE KOPEL says that the new anti-gun (who could support anti-guns? terrorists) ads (Mc)featuring John McCain and Joe (Mc)Lieberman (every industrial nation is a kind of state capitalism) are full of obvious un(grouty)truths. Hmm. (Mc)McCain and Lieberman are either too dumb to know this, or don't care. I'm not sure which is worse. (propaganda has left Glenn no framework in which to make a decision. Pity the man really...)

Notice the mention of anti-guns and nary a word for the invasion of Iraq? Would he approve of Saddam using anti-guns? (I'm loathe to use the word "approve", as the meaning of the word is all but gone - like "socialism" or "global" or "dinkus" - but I'll persist as the common meaning is so apt for my needs).

Perhaps the only real answer is "ourselves".

Tuesday, More Mail

It's pretty obvious that your just some conservative who doesn't understand Chomsky. Will you ever actually post some debate or reasoning or even anything interesting?

What ye mean that my "just some conservative who" doesn't understand Chomsky? Surely the "just some conservative who" types will never grasp the business of piracy - but that's none of my doin'.

As to yer second part, I promise I will never stoop to actual posting of debate or reasonin'. It better suits me to have my debates with strawman caricatures of US leadership. That's the new chomskypirate pledge - "No real debate". And if I break that pledge, I swear on me ship to erase mention of it from this entry.

Friday, May 10, 2002

Friday, time for the ChomskyPirate mailbag!

The first question comes from Anne in Port du Lac du Nous Sommes Saskatchewan.

I know America is the birthplace of evil. What can they do to straighten up and fly right?

Arr. Us lovers-of-knowledge have been debating that pecul'r hypothetical since sunup. Like that other one "If a tree falls far out at sea, does anybody hear?", it depends on if anybody's around. Will there be anyone around when America is flying true? Another trick question! You gotta follow that trail of facts.

How do you decide if yer ship is pointing the right direction? You could look at the stars, but they're mighty far away - specially if you've got but one eye. Best instead to look at which way that scum-ship America is pointing and set sail in the opposite direction. For we all know America's a'headed to ruin.

So what would happen if America turned around? Well, ruin would turn right around with it!

So if yer keen on staying true if America turns sail, make sure as to keep an eye on the ever changing compass of correctness: opposition to America.

Thursday, April 11, 2002

Wednesday, no time for sleeping

My orphan son Ted Rall has a lot to learn about bein' a pirate. Perhaps he'd a' been better as a pilot after all.

Look here.

Ted me boy, for God's sakes, you never tell people what ye really think. Might 's well hand 'em yer sword. Ye gotta bury your message under a mound of poop-facts!

Think of it like feeding pigs. You can fill their bellies with tripe, but if you put any substance in what you say it'll stink by the time it gets to the other end. Stick with feeding styrofoam, and the worst ye'll get can be covered with one of them floral Glade plugins.

Look at this guy, he can say whate'er he wants and never 'fess to it - and nary a scent.

UPDATE: Not a day before the smell starts to rise. Ye gave 'em too much meat Ted, me ugly boy.